Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
