dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
