Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
the raccoons are back...
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