i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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