He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
