No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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