She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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