i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
