Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
