He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
