I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just come out here and I will go home with you...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
