i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i drank out of a bidet.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize