The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
