There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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