when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
