I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
