Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
