What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
