When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
