Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
