It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have tasted many bathrooms
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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