from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
