I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
