life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
