Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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