did you get engaged???
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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