i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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