The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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