I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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