remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
