We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
