TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize