I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
