can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
