I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
