how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
