dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
