Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
