Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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