Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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