Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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