I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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