u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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