her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
