the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Small penises have feelings too.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
