sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
