I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
