I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
