Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
