hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
