I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
