If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
