Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
