Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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