I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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