i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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