oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he shaved USA in his pubs
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
