No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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