Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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