i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
