Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
