$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
