Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
