I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
